hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
COCAINE IS GR8
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
