...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
