Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
