They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
