puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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