WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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