at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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