My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize