i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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