sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
