I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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