She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
