arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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