Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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