Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
