if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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