I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
