I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
