i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
