i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.