i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.