Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.