I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
