it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Blood and glitter go together right?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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