The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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