just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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