How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
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sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize