Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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