hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
