How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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