I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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