The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
