So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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