my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
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I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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