I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
