to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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