with your own penis?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
everyone is single if you try hard enough
smell my finger.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Best friends brother. Beat that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i've created a new STD.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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