Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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