Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I got inside last night via doggy door
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
