I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender