The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices