i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
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Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
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The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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