loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?