Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
there is glitter all over my balls
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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