Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
