i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
