She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
