tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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