That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
