My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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