Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
