plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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