so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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