my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
