3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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