he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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