Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
