is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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