Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
