You don't have asthma, your pregnant
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
ttyl tear gas
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
