uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
