Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize