I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
time to smoke my breakfast
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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