Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
