I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
