Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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