Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
All I want is dick and wine.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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