No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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