I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
