halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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