Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
