EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
