naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize