So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Randomize
