I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
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Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
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YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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