Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
